One Eleven Partnerships

FAMILY CHILD CARE TRAINING PROGRAM

LEVEL ONE - UNIT ELEVEN

PARTNERSHIPS WITH PARENTS

LEARNING OBJECTIVES:
1. Understanding the benefits of positive parent and caregiver partnerships.
2. Recognizing the importance of communication in building and maintaining partnerships.
3. Developing strategies and techniques to encourage parent - caregiver communications.
4. Identifying strategies for encouraging parental involvement.
5. Reviewing problem-solving techniques.

CHATTER BOX

"I worked as a caregiver in my home for nearly seven years and then decided to return to work outside the home. After less than a year, I made the decision to go back to caregiving, this time permanently - it’s what I want to do. I think what changed most in my year as a parent working outside the home, was my understanding of what parents experience in the child care arrangement. I provided good care to children, and even had good relationships with the parents, but would I ever like to call every one of them now and say I am so sorry for not being more understanding of the pressures and stresses of their everyday lives. I have much stronger and better relationships with my child care parents now. Partly, at least, because I understand that providing child care is hard work, but so is parenting and working outside the home."

THE BASICS A good partnership is a positive, respectful relationship where people work together towards a common goal. Being partners does not mean that the relationship will always enjoy smooth sailing, but it does mean that individuals will treat each other as they would wish to be treated themselves.
The parent-caregiver relationship can sometimes be a complicated one. Ideally you will interact with each other in an atmosphere of respect, and discuss and encourage - as partners - the healthy development of the children. The safety, well-being and overall progress of the children is your common goal. These partners, however, are also your clients. Just as you would hope that parents respect your work and the role you play in their child’s life, they too, must be respected as clients who have legitimate expectations about the care their children receive. No matter how attached their children are to you, parents will need you to be sensitive to and respect their primary role in their children’s lives.
The Starting Off Right module of this training program focuses on the early days of your relationship with parents, from the interview to the first few weeks of care. The time and attention you devote to establishing a good relationship from the beginning will provide a good foundation for a positive partnership. But a good beginning is only the start. Your relationship with parents is like any other important relationship in your life, it takes time, thought and attention to become and remain strong.
A positive and mutually supportive relationship with the parents will enrich your life and theirs’, but most importantly, it will enrich the lives of the children you care for.

PARTNERSHIPS IN PRACTICE Everyone benefits in the child care arrangement from a positive partnership between caregiver and parent.

Children thrive ... Just as children tend to do better at school when their parents are involved in their education through parent councils, volunteering in the classroom, attending parent-teacher interviews and baking cookies for the class party, parental involvement in the goings-on of your child care home will be a positive experience for the children. The children will know that their parents are interested in what they do every day with you. They will observe how their parents and their caregiver talk to each other about them and planned activities and events. The children will feel cared for and important to their parents and to you.

- Parents will feel confident and respected in their role as the child’s primary caregiver. Parents will also have the opportunity to learn more about child development and care as you share resources, information and your experience and expertise. Through your actions and rapport with the children and parents, you have the opportunity to demonstrate what quality family child care is and may find that parents become your strongest advocates.

You will have opportunities to tap into additional resources, information and expertise as parents share their knowledge and experience. You’ll gain confidence, pride and greater satisfaction with your work through stronger partnerships with parents.

The Building Blocks of Successful Partnerships You spend a great deal of time encouraging cooperative and positive relationships among the children in your care, teaching them how to share, how to listen to the words of others, how to use their own words, how to appreciate the differences in others and how to avoid hurting the feelings of others. The phrase: "How would it make you feel if someone said that/did that to you?" may be one you have used in guiding the children in your care. Those same skills, attitudes, behaviours and qualities are important in building your partnership with parents.

TRUST
Trust starts with the sharing of information, views, goals and ideas in a way that feels safe and comfortable for both parties. Trust grows over time, when you know that your mutual responsibilities will be met, that your views will be considered, and that information you share will be kept confidential.
In the child care relationship, parents need to feel:
-- confident that their opinions, views, and child-rearing practices and philosophies, will be sought out, listened to, understood and valued;
-- that their child(ren)’s needs will be met in a warm and caring manner while in your care;
-- that you will be available to provide care during the agreed upon hours and days;
-- that the information that they share with you about their child and family will be used only to help you provide the best care possible to their child, and will be treated in a strictly confidential manner.

You need to feel:
-- that parents will respect you and your work;
-- that parents will fulfill their responsibilities in the child care arrangements and comply with your child care policies;
-- that parents will work co-operatively with you in meeting the needs of their children; and that parents will show consideration for your own family and the other children and families you work with.

RESPECT Learning to accept and respect each other’s positions, views, lifestyles and practices, does not necessarily mean sharing those views or engaging in those practices. It means understanding and celebrating that it is our differences that makes the world a rich and wonderful place. Others often mirror our own behaviour and attitudes. When you demonstrate respect to and for others, and have respect for yourself, you are modelling the type of behaviour you have the right to expect from others.
We live in a world rich with diversity. The families using your child care services may be of cultures, language, and lifestyles different from your own. These differences should be explored. Ask questions. Show your interest and willingness to learn. Give parents a clear and positive message that you want every child and parent to feel validated and comfortable sharing important parts of their family lives. Learning more about their culture, lifestyle, and language, and incorporating some of your new information into your daily practice and program is an important way to convey that positive message.

EMPATHY Being able to put yourself in another’s place, to ‘walk a mile in their shoes,’ is fundamental in developing partnerships with others. Stepping back from a situation and viewing it from the other person’s eyes, often gives a very different perspective of an issue. It is one of the reasons why "I" messages are so important in communicating with others. It helps people see the issue or problem from your perspective.
Parents’ feelings about their child’s caregiver can often be an ambiguous one. They want their children to receive good care and have a good relationship with their caregiver; but it can be difficult sometimes to see another person playing such an important part in, and sharing so much of their children’s lives.
Taking an empathetic and sensitive approach will help ensure a positive partnership.

ACTIVITY

Imagine that you were going to work outside the home. Think about how you would feel leaving your child(ren) in another person’s care. What are some of the things you would worry about? How would you want to be treated?

COMMUNICATION: The Engine that
Makes the Partnership Work Establishing open communication from the beginning will go a long way in building a solid partnership. Some caregivers, like some parents, are outgoing and chatty, others are shy and reserved. Various combinations of caregiver-parent personalities will impact in different ways on the ease, quality and frequency of the communication. Your personality and demeanour may remain relatively unchanged when dealing with each of your child care parents, but the connection you make with each of them will be different, as they are different. Finding ways to communicate that are comfortable for both you and the parents is what matters. People take their cues from each other. Always be courteous, respectful and attentive. This is your territory, so even if you’re shy, be the first to smile, offer an observation or ask a question.
Make it Your Practice to:
· Meet parents and children at the door with a smile and a pleasant greeting every day. Let them know you are happy to see them. Encourage parents to share information about the child. Did they sleep well? How was their appetite this morning?
· Offer a positive observation about the child every day at pick-up time (even if it’s been a difficult day). Share an amusing story, a new accomplishment, or a general, positive, observation about how the child is growing and developing. Share information about the child’s day. Did they nap well? Was their appetite good? Any special activities, events or outings?

· Put up a bulletin board near your entrance where you post daily or weekly menus; a calendar of events, activities, birthdays (even pay day); children’s art work; reminders and notices.
· If you are caring for infants, provide a daily journal for parents with a note about the baby’s eating, sleeping, toiletting and general disposition that day.
· Keep a notebook by the entrance (or provide a sheet on the bulletin board) where you or parents can jot down any important information and dates (e.g. upcoming doctor’s appointments, vacation dates, Grandma’s visit).
· Provide positive feedback and reinforcement to the parents. We all need to hear we are doing a good job, and parents appreciate your recognition that they too have needs.
· If either you, or the parent(s) has an issue of importance to discuss arrange a mutually convenient time by phone or in person (without the children present) to discuss the matter. Discourage serious discussion on the doorstep, unless it is of immediate concern.
· Call parents on the phone occasionally to talk about their child’s progress. Check with parents to see if they would prefer calls during work hours (perhaps at the children’s naptime) or outside work hours. A brief call to touch base is especially important if there has been a period of time when drop-off and/or pick-up times have been particularly hectic.
· Share information with parents on child development and care. If you come across an article, book, or workshop handout which you found interesting, especially one that relates to their child’s stage of development, lend it to the parents.
· Plan to meet with parents at least once or twice a year, without the children present, to talk about their child’s progress and the child care arrangements.
· Keep parents informed of any challenges you are experiencing with their child, and discuss how you are addressing them. Be positive and direct but not dramatic. Your confidence and calm approach will be reassuring to parents. They may be more inclined to relay their parenting challenges and their attempts to address them. Matter-of-fact, non-judgmental sharing will create a very natural opportunity for you to work together in addressing the challenges which every child will present at one time or other. The child will benefit from the consistency of the messages he/she is receiving at your home and in the family home. A shared approach to toilet training, for example, will help increase the chances of success.
· Make it clear to parents that not only are you not their rival for their child’s affections, you will actively encourage and support their parental relationship, by talking with the children about their families and by reinforcing the importance of parents, siblings, grandparents and extended family members.

NOTEWORTHY On the other hand ...
Some of your parent-clients may be all too eager to share personal matters with you - some pertaining to their children, and some not. When you are seen as nurturing and kind and an available sympathetic ear, you may find yourself in the uncomfortable position of wondering "how much is too much?" Close bonds shouldn’t be discouraged, everyone benefits, especially the children. However, you must determine whether your level of involvement with a parent creates a burden on you, blurs your objectivity, or creates expectations in the parent that you are their personal counsellor in addition to their child’s caregiver.
Be prepared to make referrals to agencies, programs and services in the community that may help meet the needs of a parent who is struggling with personal issues, family matters, or money troubles, etc. Educate yourself on the available resources in your community which help support families and share this information in confidence with the parent, in a caring and sensitive manner.

How Can You Encourage Parent’s Involvement? The greatest benefits to everyone, and the strongest child care partnerships, are ones where parents are involved in meaningful ways in their child’s care. This doesn’t just mean inviting parents to an annual picnic or having them contribute toilet paper rolls for crafts (although there is nothing wrong with them doing that too!). Meaningful involvement is:

1) Asking for and incorporating parents’ ideas and suggestions into your daily activities and practice. Ask for parents’ suggestions about activities, books, music, games and outings the children might enjoy. Invite parents to share recipes and menus they prepare and enjoy in their homes, and incorporate those foods into your meal and menu planning. If you plan around themes, ask for parents’ ideas around what areas might be of interest and/or benefit to the children. If parents are of a culture different from your own, ask for their suggestions for materials and activities that you could use in your program. Invite them to lend pictures, books, music, or other materials that reflect their culture and/or language. Ask parents to teach you words, simple phrases and children’s songs in their language, and incorporate these into your everyday activities with the children.

2) Including parents when you are reviewing or developing policies and procedures for your child care program. Your child care policies and procedures are about you and the way you operate your home child care. But your home child care service must meet the needs of children and families in order to succeed. When you are developing or reviewing your policies and procedures, allow parents a voice. Ask their opinions: Do they see the policy as fair? Do they have any concerns about the policy? Consider parents’ views carefully in making your decisions.

CHATTER BOX

"Misato was just thrilled the day her mom spent the morning with us, sharing some Japanese traditions and language, and helping us prepare Japanese food for our lunch. Misato (who was only three at the time) even showed us all how to use chopsticks and gave a gift of chopsticks to each of us. Every time the children see rice on the lunch table they insist that we put the cutlery away and take the chop sticks out, and make our bows to each other. Poor Misato is still trying to help me become more adept with the chopsticks."

3) Offering tangible ways that parents can participate in their child’s care. Make parents feel comfortable taking advantage of your ‘open door’ policy if they can. (Especially when a family is new to your care, parents will need reassurance that they can visit during the day care day.) Invite parents to join you for a picnic lunch, a special celebration or an outing. Some parents may be able to provide photocopying of activity sheets for the children, or contribute baked goods for a special celebration. Others might contribute scrap paper from work and other ‘treasures’ for art and craft activities. Invite parents to share a special skill or talent with the children one day.

Involving parents in a meaningful way shouldn’t involve making constant demands on parents’ time and resources. Nor can you expect all parents to engage in the same way, or to the same degree. Each parent, like each caregiver, is an individual with their own interests, skills, abilities and demands on their time. Some parents will have greater flexibility in their work schedules, and the resources available to them, than others. Your challenge is to find ways to encourage and support parents to be involved in their child’s care in ways that accommodate their needs, interests and availability.

ACTIVITY

Think about the individual parents you are working with now. What is their present level of involvement in their child’s care? Is there room for improvement? What are some ways that you could help encourage their further involvement?

WHEN PROBLEMS ARISE The world is an imperfect place and while that makes it an interesting place to live in,
it also means that there are bumps in the road now and then. When a bump, or a problem, does occur, the important thing is to resolve the problem - and always assume that by working together it can be resolved in a positive, constructive way. Working together through issues that arise with respect and understanding can lead to a stronger partnership in the long run.

When you have to discuss a concern with a parent:
Don’t let it brew for long. Give the parent a chance, or two, but then address the problem.
Arrange an appropriate time to talk, when you are not feeling annoyed or angry and when the children are not present.
Be honest, but be careful not to use words or a tone which will make parents feel defensive. Imagine yourself in their shoes, hearing your words. What would your reaction be?
When you address a problem, try using a light touch the first time around, and avoid sarcasm. "Just a reminder that pick-up time is at 5:30 pm - call me ahead of time if you have a special request to extend the time - see you tomorrow!"
If you feel the situation warrants a more serious discussion, use "I" messages in stating your position. For example, "I’m feeling a little annoyed that you have been 20 minutes late for pick up two days this week. I want to be flexible for you when you need it on special occasions, but I need to hear from you when you are going to be late. I’m afraid that if I say nothing to you, you will assume it’s okay to continue the practice, and I’ll end up feeling taken advantage of. Is there a problem that I’m not aware of? I’d like to hear what you think about this."
Once you have stated the problem, listen to parents’ response. It may be that there is an explanation and a valid one. (Construction on a major through-fare could be making everyone late this week.) If there is a valid explanation, look for solutions with parents. If there isn’t, simply remind parents what your expectations are for the future.
Don’t let the discussion get side-tracked. This is not the time for you to raise other issues. Nor is it the time to allow parents to raise other issues (unless they are directly related issues). If parents get side-tracked, simply say that you would be happy to discuss any other issues after you have resolved this one.
End the discussion on a friendly, positive note. For example, tell parents that you are pleased that you have been able to talk to them about this concern and to come to a resolution together. Add that you hope that they will feel comfortable discussing any concerns they have with you.
Obviously, discussions around lateness, payment and many other issues, will be helped if you are able to remind parents about the child care agreement or policies you provided them with (one reason why it is so important to put things in writing). The clearer these things are at the beginning, the easier it will be to address and/or revisit them.

ACTIVITY

Think about the last time you discussed a concern with a parent. How did you feel before you had the discussion? How did you feel afterwards? How do you feel you managed the discussion? Were there things that you felt you handled really well (e.g. not getting side-tracked but sticking to the issue at hand)? Are there things you would like to do differently the next time? What are they?

When parents raise a concern with you:
Take a deep breath and remain calm.
Don’t respond defensively or immediately. If this is not a good time for a discussion, tell parents you very much want to talk to them about the issue and arrange a convenient time for a private discussion as soon as possible.
Let parents talk, and try to hear what their real concern is.
Ask them how they think their concerns can be resolved.
Try to respond fairly, and without emotion. If you have been at fault, admit it and apologize. If there has been a misunderstanding, try to clarify your position or view.
Discuss how the issue/problem can be resolved to the satisfaction of both parties.
End the discussion on a friendly, positive note. For example, tell parents that you are pleased that the parent(s) were able to talk to you about the issue/problem and that you realize how difficult it must have been for them to do so.

ACTIVITY

Think about a time when a parent raised a concern regarding your care with you. How did you feel? How did you respond? Would you handle it differently now? If so, in what way?

Working on your communication skills, and developing the ability to build and maintain strong partnerships with your child care parents will truly enrich your own life, those of the parents, and the children, who are, after all, the beneficiaries of that partnership.

For more information Your public library, resource library with a family resource program, child care resources and referral program, family child care agency or association, would all be excellent places to start your search for further information A few of the resources available include:

Home Child Care: A Caregiver’s Guide, Lee Dunster, Home Child Care Publications, 2085 Alton Street, Ottawa, Ontario K1G 1X3

The Family Day Care Team: Building Partnerships, Manitoba Child Care Association, 364 McGregor Street, Winnipeg, Manitoba, R2W 4X3

Good Beginnings, Western Canada Family Child Care Association, 11129 87th Avenue, Delta, B.C. V4C 2Z4

EVALUATION

Options:
1) ASSIGNMENT
2) QUIZ

ASSIGNMENT

Develop your own Parent Involvement Policy. Write down how you feel about parent involvement and why you feel it is important. Indicate a variety of ways that you do/will encourage parent involvement. Talk to the parents of the children currently in your care about what they feel should be included in your Parent Policy and incorporate their suggestions. Ask a fellow caregiver (or two) to review your policy and offer their advice. Remember, your means of encouraging parental involvement should be flexible enough to accommodate parents with a variety of schedules, personalities and interests.

QUIZ

1. How do you feel a good partnership between parents and caregivers benefits children?

2. Indicate at least five things that parents should expect from you?

3. Indicate at least five things that you should expect from parents?

4. How can you show respect for families whose culture and language may be different from your own?

5. How can you ensure that parents are informed about daily events in your child care home?

6. What information would you include in a written daily journal when caring for an infant?

7. What are some of the ways that you can involve parents in your daily activities?

8. Shelley, a young single mother, is experiencing very serious difficulties in a relationship with a boyfriend and is sharing very personal information with you. You are concerned that the relationship may be abusive. You are also concerned that the children are overhearing these discussions. What action could you take?

9. Mark picks the children up each day and has been at least 15 minutes late once or twice a week for several weeks. How do you handle the situation?

10. You have recently started providing care to Kareen, a seven month old infant. Kareen’s mother is very anxious, lingers for at least half an hour in the morning, calls two or three times a day, and has dropped in several times in the first three weeks of care. You understand her anxiety, but feel her behaviour is somewhat disruptive. How do you handle the situation?