One Six Guidance

FAMILY CHILD CARE TRAINING PROGRAM

LEVEL ONE - UNIT SIX

CHILD GUIDANCE

LEARNING OBJECTIVES:
1. Understanding the purpose of child guidance.
2. Recognizing that inappropriate behaviors are a normal part of children’s development.
3. Identifying reasons why children sometimes behave in inappropriate ways.
4. Developing a range of appropriate child guidance techniques.
5. Understanding the importance of communication with parents around child guidance matters.

CHATTER BOX

"A year ago I really wouldn’t have thought that I had much to learn about child guidance. My own children are 11 and 13 now and I’ve been doing child care for 5 years without any real problems with the children’s behaviour. Then I met 3 year old Danny, and my world turned upside down. Nothing I tried worked and his parents, while cooperative, were just as stumped as I was. After three months of disasters I was ready to give up and was very unhappy about the way I was feeling and behaving. The other children were starting to ‘act out’ too, I suppose in an effort to get some of the attention that I always seemed to be giving to Danny. What happened to turn things around was when I got honest with myself and realized that my frustration was not so much about Danny as the fact that I had no idea why he was misbehaving or what I could do to help him. Deciding that I needed to know more about child guidance and actively pursuing information and help has been the best move I’ve ever made. Not only am I better able to help Danny, but also all the children, including my own. In fact, I’ve learned a lot about my own attitudes and beliefs. If I can keep this up I just might make it through my children’s adolescence!"

THE BASICS The care you provide for children now will be with them for the rest of their lives. That is what child guidance really is about. It is not about discipline. It is not about punishment. It is about helping children develop the principles, attitudes and skills they will need to become competent, caring, confident and responsible persons. The critically important process of guiding children starts at birth. Infants who learn that the world is a safe place, where their needs will be met and people are caring, are already learning important life lessons.
In caring for your own and other people’s children you have acquired some child management skills and probably learned some important lessons. Likely one of the first and most important is that not every child responds the same way in every situation . It would be so much easier if there were hard and fast rules we could pull out of a hat for the behaviour problems we encounter but there is no one magic solution. Providing positive guidance requires you to combine many bits of information and learn how and when to use them. Child guidance is not just about helping children stop inappropriate behaviours, more importantly, it is about helping children learn appropriate behaviours.
Setting and maintaining limits is difficult and there will be many days when children do things we wish they would not. A child who is tired, bored, hungry or in need of attention may signal this by misbehaving. Some of these behaviours can be avoided by:
working in partnership with parents in guiding children’s development;
understanding and respecting the cultural context of the families you provide care for;
knowing enough about child development to have reasonable expectations for children at every age and stage of their development;
planning your day and environment to meet children’s needs, including routines that provide time and space for children to ‘let off steam;’
being consistent in your response to children;
having simple ‘house rules’ that are easily understood;
using appropriate guidance techniques;
supervising children closely.

You will learn more about these and other child guidance techniques in this lesson. The most important thing to remember is that each child is an individual who grows, develops and responds to life in their own way. The most important gift you can give a child is to let them know that you value and care for them as the unique individual they are.

The Goals of Guidance To protect children from harming themselves, others or property.
To help children gain control and self-discipline.
To help children develop the skills to solve their own problems.
To help children develop independence and high self-esteem.
To help children develop the skills to interact positively with others.

WHAT INFLUENCES A CHILD’S BEHAVIOUR?
Children’s behaviour is influenced by many factors, from the time of day to the amount of sleep they had the night before, but some of the most significant things that impact on a child’s behaviour are:
1) The adults who care for them;
2) Their age and stage of development;
3) Their environment and routines.

1) The Adults Who Care For Them
Children’s earliest teachers and role models are their parents and caregivers. The beliefs, cultural practices, attitudes, behaviours and responses of all of the child’s caregivers will have a profound influence on how they develop. Child guidance tends, for many, to be an area where we carry into our own adulthood, attitudes and behaviours we learned as children from the adults who cared for us. (Sometimes even those attitudes and behaviours we vowed we wouldn’t ever repeat "when we grew up.")
It is important that you think about your own attitudes towards child guidance. Sort out how you feel and try to discover why you feel that way. Treasure and value all the positive attitudes and behaviours your experience has taught you and work towards changing the negative attitudes and behaviours.
Children learn much about how to behave from the actions of the adults who care for them. Be aware of your own body language and tone of voice and model the kind of behaviour that you want children to learn. A child who is cared for with consistency, warmth, and patience (even when misbehaving) has a good model on which to base their own developing coping skills.
Remember that you are not the only adult involved in the child’s care. Your partnership with parents is extremely important around all areas of the child’s development, including child guidance. Talk to parents before their child begins care, and throughout the child care arrangement. Learn all that you can about their child-rearing views and practices. This is even more important where families are of a lifestyle or culture different from your own.
When you are experiencing difficulties around behaviour, spend time talking with and listening to parents to develop a course of action together. If you don’t agree with their ideas, explain why you think differently. Parents may have standards different from your own in regard to language, behaviour and guidance techniques that they find acceptable. Ideally, you can reach agreement about acceptable limits and techniques. Where that is not possible, be respectful of their standards and clear about your own standards. (Of course if a parent suggests, or tells you of circumstances that you feel may endanger the child, appropriate action should be taken.)

2. The Child’s Age and Stage of Development
Understanding what typical behaviour is at different ages and stages of development will help you to set acceptable limits and allow you to have reasonable expectations of children. Research indicates that there are universal, predictable sequences of growth and change that occur in children. They occur in all areas of development – physical, social, emotional and cognitive. Learning all you can about child development will go a long way to helping you provide the care and guidance that children need as they grow.
Behaviour such as messiness is normal at certain ages. It may not help you clean up the mess, but it does help to know that this is a normal part of children’s growth and development - and that might encourage you to find more manageable opportunities to let them make messes. Below, we’ll look at some of the common behaviours of children at various ages and stages. The list is not all inclusive and you may be able to identify many other behaviours that you would include.

Infants
No infant "acts up" on purpose. Infants often communicate their needs through crying. If an infant is hungry, tired, in pain or discomfort or just plain bored, their only way of telling us is through crying.
-- Infants need to explore. The way infants explore is through their senses. They need to see, feel, taste, hear and smell the world around them, so you need to give them safe opportunities to discover their world. At the same time, infants can be over-stimulated by too much noise, colour or action. Sometimes some quiet time in the rocking chair with you provides a welcome relief.
Infants love to make messes, throw food, bang cups and may even "explore" others through pinching, biting and pulling hair.
It is also typical for infants to experience separation or stranger anxiety, so especially in the first weeks of care an infant will likely need to spend a lot of time in close contact with you to settle in. As well, the infant who is going through a stage where they are anxious around strangers will need additional attention when you are participating in playgroups or other activities.

Toddlers
Toddlers have learned many new skills such as walking, climbing and running but have no understanding of consequences. If you don’t provide enough safe opportunities for them to practice these skills, they may well try unsafe ones.
Toddlers are made to move, and move they do! They are active and need an environment and routines that support their active, busy nature.
Toddlers are experiencing a greater range of feelings, but do not yet have the language to express those feelings.
Sharing and taking turns is not a concept that comes easily to toddlers. They have no sense of time - to them five minutes may seem like a lifetime.
Toddlers are developing a sense of control, thus the popularity of the words "no" and "mine" with this age group.
Toddlers are also developing a sense of independence, wanting to do things themselves, even before they have all the necessary skills.
Once a toddler has acquired a new skill, they will want to repeat it again and again and again.

Preschoolers
Preschoolers are becoming somewhat more interested in pleasing those around them but they can often forget what the rules are.
Preschoolers are always curious, asking everyone questions about everything.
While preschoolers do not like to be hurried, time is still a difficult concept at this stage and they do not like to have to wait for snack or their turn.
Preschoolers are testing their assertiveness muscles and may tend to be bossy.
Very imaginative, preschoolers often mix fact and fiction and love to engage in bathroom talk.

School-Agers:
School-agers are experiencing many new challenges fitting into the larger, less-sheltered work of the schoolyard. It is a time when they may be experiencing many fears and uncertainties that they can’t understand or express. Often these fears show themselves as frustration or anger.
School-agers may well feel that they are old enough to make their own decisions, even in areas that call for more judgement than they have.
School-agers are very influenced by their peers and will bring home all kinds of new and different behaviour challenges. They may swear, tease, name call and tattle on others.

ACTIVITY

Look how your space is used and think about changes that might be helpful. If you have a long, open hallway that you don’t want children to run in, then break up the space with a small table - but find some space (indoors or out) where children can run. In the same way, if there is no climbing allowed on the couch, provide a huge pile of cushions for climbing. Children need to stretch those muscles and burn off all that energy. Our challenge is to find safe, acceptable places for them to do that. Make a list of changes you want to make to your environment.

3) The Environment and Routines
Children need an environment and routines that provide opportunities for them "to do what kids do." The time you invest in planning your space and routines will pay off in terms of minimizing behaviour problems. Some ideas that will help:
Plan an environment where you won’t need to say "no" or "don’t" all the time;
If you have little explorers in your care, put away the knick-knacks;
Close off those areas of the house where you do not want children to go;
Keep sponges, a small broom and dustpan accessible so children can help clean up their own spills and messes.
Have a variety of interesting toys, some of which promote quiet activities (puzzles, playdough, books) and others that promote more active play (riding toys, balls, blocks).
Consider purchasing extras of the children’s favourite/most popular toys.
Keep toys well-organized and don’t put out everything you own at once. Keep some toys in storage and rotate toys in and out of storage every couple of months. Children will feel that they have brand new toys to play with.
Sand and water play promote feelings of success in children (there is no right or wrong way to play) and can be wonderfully calming activities (especially on days when everyone seems a little hyper).
Less is sometimes better. Too many toys, too much noise or too much active play can set the stage for disaster.

ACTIVITY

Think about the last few days. Are there particular times of the day when children tend to misbehave more. If you can identify times of the day (before lunch, at pick-up time) when misbehaviour tends to occur, try making changes to your routines to see if that helps. For example, if children are generally getting cranky by lunch time, perhaps you could serve lunch a little earlier, or plan a calming activity (sand or water play?) before lunch. If pick-up times tend to be hectic, perhaps you could plan for outdoor play at pick-up time. Or it may be that one child always has a hard time adjusting when they return from school. Possibly spending a whole morning (or day) in a large group of children has been difficult. Helping you prepare and serve snack may be an activity that helps the child calm down and gives them some of the one-on-one attention they need. Play with your schedule and routines a little until you find what works best for you and your children.

PROMOTING POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR Set the stage for positive behaviour through the following:
Establish simple house rules in very clear language that children can understand. For example you may only need three general rules:
You may not hurt others.
You may not hurt yourself.
You may not hurt things.
Show children that you like being with them through your warm facial expressions, eye contact, words of encouragement and hugs.
Encourage children to use their words to express their feelings and help them to develop language to talk about their feelings.
Get down to their eye level to speak to them, speak slowly and calmly using language that is appropriate for their age.
Get to know each of your children – be aware of their strengths, interests and dislikes.
Ignore minor incidents that are designed to attract your attention such as toilet talk or squabbling.
Supervise carefully and constantly. Try to always be in a position where you have all the children in your view.
Encourage efforts at independence with comments such as "Corey, you did a good
job putting on your socks." "Thank you for passing out the cups, Maria."
Be a good role model. Children watch what we do and imitate what they see. If you are a bossy caregiver ordering children around, the children may start ordering each other around. Show the children how you want them to behave. Say "Pet the dog gently" and show them how. Children will just as quickly imitate patience, politeness and displays of kindness.
Teach children to show respect by treating them with respect.

CHATTER BOX

"I had a real eye-opener a couple of months ago. My son had bought one of those little pocket tape recorders for his classes, and I was showing the kids how it worked and letting everyone talk into the tape machine. I left it on record by mistake as we went about our morning, so almost an hour of free play and lunch preparation got taped. Well I could not believe how few times I said anything positive and how often in that short time I said "no," "don’t," or "stop" and I’ve always thought of myself as a positive, cheerful person. I have made an effort to be much more aware of what I am saying and how I am sounding since, and I think the children are responding. But I also realized how harried that time of the day was for me, so we have shifted our pre-lunch routine too and that’s helped a lot. Maybe I should tape a whole day - think what I’d learn!"

Catch children being good. We often only interrupt behaviour when children misbehave. A little praise goes a long way. Usually children want to please, want to be included in what others are doing. For example, at tidy-up time, don’t focus on those who don’t help. Instead, praise those who do. "Joel, I like the way you’re tidying those blocks." You’ll be surprised how quickly others will follow in helping.
It is truly a challenge to keep children busy while you prepare lunch or wait in line at the grocery store. Sing your favourite silly songs or come up with some interesting questions that engage your children in conversation such as "If you could be a fruit, what would you be?"
Involve children in establishing guidelines and limits.
"When we go to the library, how can we make sure everyone is safe crossing the street?"
Allow children to make choices. Making simple choices such as which book to read or song to sing fosters their sense of independence and control over their lives. Offer choices that you can live with. Don’t ask "Would you like to wash your hands now?", ask, "Would you like me to pump the soap on your hands or would you like to do it?
Have a consistent yet flexible routine. When children can anticipate the events of the day they begin to trust and feel secure that their needs will be met.
Transition times are often the most difficult times of the day. Be prepared with routines and ideas for drop-off, pick-up and lunchtime. Have songs, books, music or puzzles ready and make sure to enlist the help of older children during these times.
Use positive language with the children. This can take practice and commitment. It is much easier to say "No" than it is to tell children what we need them to do.

ACTIVITY

Come up with a list of ten negative statements you might use with children (e.g. Stop that shouting; Don’t run in the kitchen). Then come up with a positive statement to use instead.

WHEN A CHILD MISBEHAVES

Remember your goal is to help the child learn appropriate behaviours, not to punish the child for misbehaviour.
Never respond to a child’s behaviour with anger. If necessary, take a few deep breaths and count to ten (or twenty!) and calm yourself before you respond.
Appropriate limits have to be geared to the child’s age and suited to the child’s personality. You can’t have the same behaviour expectations of a two-year old that you do of six year old. In the same way, a really adventurous two-year old may need more reminders about acceptable risk levels (you may climb on the cushions, you may not climb on the fireplace) that a timid or less active two-year old may not need to be reminded of.
The techniques to guide behaviour that work with one child may not work with another, even if they are at the same stage of development. You may have to try a variety of guidance techniques before you find what is effective.
It is important to recognize that children have strong feelings. You must accept a child’s feelings while still putting limits on the expression of his/her feelings.
"It’s okay to be sad that you lost the ball, but you may not hit Simon." You should never deny or discount a child’s feeling.
Link comments to what the child did, not to the child himself. We need to focus on the behaviour that was inappropriate and not label the child as "bad" or "naughty." If a toddler throws a block, address the behaviour: "You may not throw blocks. Blocks are for building."
When a child is misbehaving, address the behaviour but look for the cause too. Is the child tired, hungry, not feeling well or does his/her personality make this task too difficult? Are there particular times of the day where this behaviour appears more often?
Young children need repetition to learn and may not carry over what we have said to a new situation. It may be necessary to keep telling and showing children appropriate behaviour even if you have already told them several times.
If you experience a persistent problem with a child, talk with parents about the situation. Has there been any change in the child’s routines at home? Have the parents been experiencing similar problems at home? How are they handling it? How could you and the parents work together to help the child?
Share ideas and problems with other caregivers to get support and information. Attend courses and workshops and read guidance material to help you make changes.

GUIDANCE TECHNIQUES Despite your best efforts there will be occurrences of misbehaviour - they are a very normal part of a child’s development. As we have discussed, positive child guidance requires the use of methods that guide rather than punish. Remember that the goal of discipline is to help children build their own self-control, not to have them behave through adult-imposed control. All of these techniques will be most effective if used in a way that maintains or enhances the child’s self-esteem.

Redirection
Infants and toddlers are usually fairly easy to distract. Giving a child something interesting to look at or to do will usually stop unwanted behaviour. A child who is throwing blocks can be distracted by your sitting down on the floor with them to help them build a bridge or by giving them some rolled up socks to toss into a laundry basket.

Natural Consequences
Natural consequences require no intervention from you. A child will learn that his/her hands will become cold when he/she won’t wear mittens. Allowing children to experience the safe, natural consequences of their behaviour helps them accept responsibility for their own comfort. (But keep the mittens handy in your own pocket for the moment the child makes the discovery.)

Logical consequences
Logical consequences are reasonable, related to the behaviour and are arranged in advance. Make sure the consequence is fair and enforceable. Always follow through with the consequence or children will learn you do not mean what you say. "We only have enough juice boxes for everyone to have one. So you can drink yours now, but you will not have more for snack time. Or I can get you water now and you can save your juice until snack.

Negotiation and Problem Solving
This technique works by involving the child in helping to solve the problem. With young children you will need to help give suggestions and guide the process but in time you will see older children use this process with little help from you. It involves several steps:
1. Help children identify the problem.
"Joel and Matt, I can see both of you want to play with the red car."
2. Encourage children to contribute ideas for solving the problem.
"What do you think we can do to solve this problem?"
3. Restate their ideas (and/or offer your own) in a positive way.
"We could put the car away or we could set the timer and let each of you have a turn."
4. Help children decide which idea they prefer.
"What do you think Joel, shall we let Matt have a 10 minute turn, then you can have a 10 minute turn.?"
5. Help the children carry out their solution.
"I’ll set the timer for 10 minutes and when it rings, I’ll help you pass it to Joel for his turn."
6. Reinforce the process when the problem is solved.
"What a good idea using the timer was to solve your problem. You boys did a great job taking turns with the car."

Time Out
Time Out is often one of the most overused techniques. It should be used as a calming technique, not as punishment. Time out provides the child with an opportunity to regain control. Have the child sit within your sight, on a chair or step. Keep time out short – 2 minutes for a 2 year old, 3 minutes for a 3 year old. When time is up, redirect the child to another activity or give him/her the opportunity to try the same activity again. If you are frequently using time out with a particular child and their behaviour is not changing, try another approach.

Active Listening
Active Listening involves giving the child your full attention, helping the child to describe the situation and identify and express their own feelings, and acknowledging those feelings. Sometimes children just want us to know and accept that they are upset. Acknowledging the child’s feelings often reduces the power struggle you’re involved in.
Jamie: I want it! I want it!
Caregiver: Are you angry that you can’t have the toy yet?
Jamie: Yes! I want it now!
Caregiver: Do you feel disappointed you have to wait your turn?
Jamie: Yeah.

"I" Messages
"You" messages lay blame and often criticize the child. "I" messages describe how the behaviour makes you feel and is often enough to stop unacceptable behaviour. For example, instead of "You shouldn’t leave the puzzle on the table," try "I’d appreciate it if you’d put the puzzle back on the shelf"; or instead of "You cannot yell when we’re in the car," try "I have to concentrate when I’m driving, so we all have to speak in our quiet voices."

ACTIVITY

Consider the guidance techniques discussed in this section. Which techniques would you use for children at different ages and stages of development? Which techniques do you use now? Which would you like to try?

INAPPROPRIATE CHILD GUIDANCE TECHNIQUES Inappropriate methods include hitting, spanking, shoving, shaking, pinching or other forms of physical punishment; threats, yelling, shaming, withholding basic needs or comforts; confinement or isolation. These methods invite more conflict; they do not show the child a better way or encourage her/him to change their behaviour. As nurturing adults with the goal of developing positive self-esteem and self-control in our children, we need to protect children from both the kind of physical and emotional harm that can result from using inappropriate guidance techniques. By using positive methods of child guidance we help children develop into caring, responsible and capable persons. Remember the goal of child guidance is to help children develop appropriate behaviours.

for more information

Books and Tapes:
by Louise Bates Ames: He Hit Me First
Your One, Two, ............Nine Year Old
Your Ten to Fourteen Year Old

by Barbara Coloroso: Kids Are Worth It
Winning at Parenting (Book, Audio and Video tape)

by Elizabeth Crary: Without Spanking or Spoiling
Love and Limits

by Mary Kurcinka Raising Your Spirited Child

by Darla Ferris Miller Positive Child Guidance

by Barbara Kaiser and
Judy Rasminsky Meeting the Challenge*
* available from the Canadian Child Care Federation1-800-858-1412

EVALUATION

OPTIONS FOR EVALUATION:
1) ASSIGNMENTS
2) QUIZ

ASSIGNMENT ONE

Develop a chart with 4 columns. Think about the children you are caring for. In column one, list each child’s name, in column two list one or two behaviours of concern that you are seeing each day. Think about how you usually respond to those behaviours, include that information in column three. Now, consider what other strategies or techniques you want to try in response to those behaviours. Include those new ideas or different approaches in column four. Come back to the list in a couple of weeks to review how you are doing. Are you changing your responses? Is the behaviour changing? Is there something else you should try?

ASSIGNMENT TWO

POLICY
Based on the ages and stages of the children you are currently caring for (or intend to care for), develop your own child guidance policy. Your child care policy should include information about :
 Your views and feelings about the kinds of qualities and behaviours you think are important to encourage in children;
 Techniques/methods/strategies you will use to promote and model positive behaviours;
 Technique/methods/strategies you use to handle inappropriate behaviours.

QUIZ

1. The adults who care for them can have a significant effect on children’s behaviours. What are some of the other factors that effect how children behave?

2. What are some typical behaviours of infants?

3. What are some typical behaviours of school-agers?

4. What are some of the things you can do to make your environment "toddler friendly"?

5. Re-write the following statements using positive language:
 Don’t throw the ball in the house!
 Stop yelling! I’m not deaf.
 Don’t poke at the baby.
 Don’t tip your chair back.
 Stop whining!

6. Why is it important for you to model good behaviour for children?

7. Being able to make choices helps children develop independence and a sense of control. Provide examples of choices you could offer children in the following situations:
 It’s time to tidy up the play area...
 It’s lunch time....
 It’s story time...

8. Joey (a 3 year old) has been busy building a block tower for some time and
Maria (18 months old) wants to join in but is more interested in crashing the tower than building it. What, if any, action do you take?

9. Pascal and Simon (both 9 year olds) are insisting on leaving for school every day with jackets open and no hat or mitts, and it’s very cold outside. What, if any, action do you 1take?

10. Elsa, a 2 year old who is new to your care, is very rough with others. She often grabs things she wants, and tends to push and shove her way through the day, even poking at you when she wants your attention. How can you help her learn more appropriate behaviours?