Enhancing Children's Self-Esteem:
How we Can Help Children build Positive
Self-Esteem

We can help children build healthy self-esteem in many ways. While this is a long list, you will probably recognize that you do many of these things without consciously thinking about them. Making people feel good about themselves may come naturally to you. However, there may be some new ideas to enhance your practise.

Help the child recognize his abilities and strengths. Encourage the idea that we all share strengths in some areas, and need improvements in others. Tell children about your own areas of strength and weakness.

Help children find their area of excellence. Build on their interests to help them find what they are really good at. Areas of strength could be a sport, a creative art or academics.

Help children set realistic goals for themselves. Encourage them to plan ahead and follow through to completion. Start small and build on previous success. For example, you could help a preschooler make a collage for a parent’s birthday gift. He or she could select a theme based on the parent’s interests, cut pictures out of magazines or flyers and glue them on paper.

Set up situations where children can succeed. Break down larger tasks into smaller, more easily managed pieces. Children generally prefer to be involved in real activities. Involve them in everyday chores around the house. Preschoolers will often enjoy helping you with cleaning duties. For example, you could provide a small broom and dustpan and ask the child to help sweep the floor. Older children might like to help prepare lunch by setting the table or filling the juice glasses. Assign each child an age-appropriate chore to be completed on a regular basis.

Let children know that you value them for who they are, not for what they do or how they behave. Unconditional acceptance of children sends a powerful message. As well, children need to know that being unhappy with their behaviour does not mean you disapprove of them.

Demonstrate your active listening skills with children so they know their thoughts and ideas are important. Get down to the child’s eye level, ask questions and rephrase statements to show that you are actively listening. Modelling good listening behaviour will often result in the child using their leaned listening skills with you. Being a good listener is always described as a good personality trait!

Let children know that it’s okay to make mistakes, that we all make them and that nobody is perfect. Help children to understand that we can learn from mistakes. Encourage problem-solving skills to lessen the number of mistakes. Be sure they know that your positive feelings about them do not change based on their successes or failures. If they are taught how to handle one disappointment, they might not find the next as devastating.

Allow children choices and opportunities to make decisions for themselves. By providing choices, you are investing in a child’s sense of independence. Younger children can be offered the choice between two pairs of pants to wear, or a choice of two or three items they want for a snack. Older children can choose the after-school movie or an extra-curricular activity they would like to participate in. Involve children in the planning of your day. Allow them to express their thoughts about what works and what does not. It is important for children to experience the negative consequences of poor or ill-thought-out decisions.

Encourage children to be independent in their daily living. Give them opportunities to do things for themselves, even though it may be easier and faster to do it for them. One of the best ways to build inner feelings of esteem is to provide children with skills so that he feels competent. For example, allow a toddler to put his socks and shoes on independently, teach a six-year-old to tie his laces or a ten-year-old to sew a ripped seam.

Show appreciation when children show interest in your activities. Include them in your activities in meaningful ways. For example, if a child shows an interest in the garden you are planting, give him age-appropriate tasks that let him be a real part of the activity, like digging holes, weeding or watering.

Strike a balance between overprotecting and allowing them too much freedom. Setting achievable limits is a great tool for helping children build their self-esteem.

Give encouragement throughout children’s activities rather than waiting for tasks to be completed. Recognize and support their ongoing efforts.

Work on your own self-esteem. If you feel good about yourself, it will show and the attitude you radiate will rub off on the children in your care.

Additional Resources:

Children and Self-Esteem. Canadian Mental Health Association, 1993

Promoting Your Child's Self Esteem Family Services Canada, 1996

Glenn, H. Stephen. Developing Healthy Self-Esteem. Video

This excerpt was taken from the Family Child Care Training Project Level 3 - Unit 1: Enhancing Children’s Self-Esteem.